I showed him my bush... on skype.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
