worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
