it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
