her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
50% drunk capacity currently
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
