I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
