my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
