I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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