..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
