is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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