i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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