I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
