Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
