One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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