Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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