Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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