I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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