there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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