Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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