Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
