Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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