There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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