Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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