Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
