I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
