just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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