I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
