all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
