so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
