I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
