Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
