i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
