He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
