I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
