A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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