Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
