So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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