I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize