hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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