mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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