So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
