I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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