At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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