New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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