i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
