i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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