I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
