no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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