Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
