Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize