Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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