i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
