i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
