A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
