I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
