we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
