I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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