Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
