if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
