if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
