How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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