i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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