after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
