That's intense
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
