so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
