if i can run in heels then i can drive
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we're making bets on your personal life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
