Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
