i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
