Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
