You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
