Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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