The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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