i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
