I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
