We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the day after is always just damage control
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
