so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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