Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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