Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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