True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
