I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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